In the midst of a breakup, you can get very confused, or you can use this list of ways to get through it. This is a way to speed up your awakening and healing from relationships. Forgiveness is key now but it might feel impossible to you. That is totally understandable.
My husband announced two weeks ago that he didn’t want to live with me any more. I have found myself in shock, anger, guilt, rage, fear, frustration and dismay. Here is how I am getting through it. It is working for me and helping me to move quickly into joy even in the midst of this painful situation.
- Stay focused on you. Don’t focus on the partner and what he or she did to you. Let them be. You have no control over them, but you do have control over your mind and how you handle this situation.
- Make a list of things you have to take care of now. It could be to find a place to live, to work (if you work at home), organize a move, decide what possessions you want to keep. Don’t worry about this too much, you can always replace stuff.
- Be very focused on your mental state. Do the lessons of the Course, read Chapter 17 The Holy Relationship. We use our relationships to heal and to awaken from the dream of separation. Use this as an opportunity to get serious and be persistent on your path.
- Read one lesson per day, or read the first 50 lessons from A Course in Miracles in short form (reviews) every day. I like the reviews because it can be done in 20 minutes.
- Allow the emotions to surface, but don’t wallow in them. You can read and repeat the key lessons like “There is nothing my holiness cannot do. I am as God created me. There is nothing to fear. “
- Breathe deeply and use this meditation to release emotions and the tendency to blame. Panic will not help right now, when it comes up, do this quick 25 minute healing to release the emotional states. Resentment is not going to help you right now, but it will come up and this will help to let it go quickly.
- Ask for help. Many supportive friends and family will come to your aid, people you never thought would be so caring. Allow them to help you right now because you need them and it alleviates the loneliness and fear. You are supported by God right now and your friends and family want to help you.
- Go within. Write down all that you are feeling and focus on what you want now . Don’t listen to everyone and their opinions, this will just confuse you. Don’t let other people’s breakups or stories influence you.
- Write down the “old story”, this what you have been living regarding your self, partner, career, finances, and home. Now burn it. Now write down the “new story”, aim high and imagine what you want right now in all these aspects. This will help to let go of the past and move on quickly and stay focused on YOU, and what you really want now. Read it over and over every day.
- Pray each day for guidance and to be shown that you are loved and taken care of. The universe loves you and is giving you this opportunity to speed up your process of awakening. Allow the guidance and the freedom from fear that it brings each moment.
- The blessing in this situation is: There is always a blessing for you in a crisis…write it down. This keeps you focused on what you are grateful for, allowing for more appreciation. Read it over every morning.
- Focus on your abilities and strengths. This helps when the critical judging thoughts come in that eat away at your self-esteem.
- Don’t allow the judgments and self-criticism. Write down all your wonderful qualities and things you have achieved in your life.
- Keep an open heart and mind. When you close down and feel the pain, know that it is changing. It is important to feel the emotions but know that you are not your emotions and feelings. You can stay open to receive more healing and more grace.
- Stay hydrated. Don’t reach for alcohol or coffee right now…I know its tempting, but it brings your body into stress and your emotions will be harder to calm down. Drink tons of water!
- Exercise. This really keeps the stress out of your body. Go for a run or walk every morning for at least 30 minutes. It helps to know you care about yourself right now. Take care of the body and the mind.
- Take a break from your location. Book a trip and give yourself time to slow down and go within. I am going to a part of the country I love for 5 days and seeing my two grown boys. I can feel how much I need this right now.
- Try this worksheet from Byron Katie for self-examination. A simple four step process to let go of your painful thoughts.
- Don’t project all your thoughts onto your partner. Let them go for now. Be steady and look at your own mind. Remember, self responsibility is key.
- Give yourself a break, its time to list all the things you love and and remember what brings you joy and do at least 3 of those things each day.
When life choices seem daunting in the midst of chaos, know that there are no mistakes. You will make choices and then learn from them. Honor your progress and your path right now. You want freedom and this is giving it to you in ways you cannot fathom right now.
Although the pain will surface, feel it and use it to free you today. It is helping you to become more compassionate toward yourself and others. Stay humble. Focus on this moment right now. Not next week, not next year. RIGHT NOW…it is the only time there is and it is where your healing resides.