I see that now, 25 years after my discovery of spiritual reality, I am making big moves and growing from them. I find that my ability to trust God and follow my heart is easier now, but not without challenges. There are some doubts that come to the surface and appear so convincing. Especially when the stakes seem high, like right now, I am in a transition from one part of the country to another, making new friends, and finding my path and redefining my work.
The past few months has been a period of intense growth, so along with it comes the doubting voice.
What is doubt? Lack of faith or trust. All that I found security in before, my partnership, my clients, my healing practice, my circle of friends are now gone. I have to start over in a new place. Is it an adventure? Yes, but the change has been enormous. Uncertainty of what to do, where to live, what church to go to, who to hang out with, how to find work, all this has had a deep effect on my sense of security.
So, the doubting voice arises quite often. Here’s what I do with that doubting voice:
Remember that it is only a small voice inside
Realize and declare that I am bigger than that small doubt
Look at what I lack faith in…write it down.
Acknowledge the fear underneath it.
Pray for the release of doubt and an increase in faith and trust in God
Extend love to this tiny part that is doubting God, and tell her its ok, I’ve got her
See pink light all around this inner child knowing that my very presence is all that is needed
Remind myself of all the miracles, all the help I have received, the fact that its all working perfectly.
This process allows me to acknowledge the part of me that doubts, and uncover the fear underneath the doubt. Then I can stay wide open to the lessons I need to learn from this doubting voice. The question is : who am I?
I am a being of love and I do trust in my Creator to guide me in all circumstances. My trust in God is always put to the test. What do I have faith in? Do I believe that God has a plan for me that will work?
I feel like I am 23 again, starting out again, open to the world and not knowing what’s next, how I will fulfill my purpose. I am now if my 50s, finding that I am the same person with fears, doubts and an innocent desire to be in the world and not of it. I am learning the same lesson over and over again. How to go within, find my real guide there and trust that guidance.
The inner guidance rules all. I cannot manage a day without it. My contact with my inner guide pushes me into more challenges. To open up, to stay free in the midst of fear and doubt –of not knowing what’s next. This is where real growth and self-empowerment happens.
I hear that nagging, doubtful voice and I realize, it only feels dangerous to become freer than I ever imagined I could be.
That doubting voice is getting less and less…because its days are numbered. Faith in God overcomes all doubt. A Course in Miracles says, “doubt will come and go, and go to come again”. “You teach to remove self-doubt.”
Lesson 139 states: ” Who is the doubter, what is it he doubts? “Your denial made no change in what you are. You are yourself, and yet you doubt it. But you do not ask what part of you can really doubt yourself. It cannot really be a part of you that asks this question. For it asks of one who knows the answer… Atonement remedies the strange idea that it is possible to doubt yourself and be unsure of what you really are. This is the depth of madness. Yet it is the universal question of the world.”
I am wiser, more certain than I know because I am not who I think I am. This small doubting voice is meaningless, because I am as God created me. Each day I awaken to ask for help and be led along this path, this path of light means I go through turmoil, doubt, fear and darkness. It does feel scary at times, yet what can I lose? Myself? Not possible. I am what I am.
God established my Reality when He created me as His Son.
I remember who I am, and I feel connected again, totally in the recognition that in spite of my doubts, I am free.
If I have learned anything on this spiritual path, it is that I am never, ever alone. Jesus, Yogananda, Amma, and all the angels are watching me, encouraging me, guiding me and showing me what to do, and how to be healed of my own insanity. It can feel difficult, but that’s when I know I’m blocking the plan from unfolding.
The script is written and I don’t have to know anything ahead of time.
Besides, who am I to doubt God?
So simple. Accept yourself as the love of God that you are created to be.