Jun 292017
 

By Monica Dubay

Why should we cultivate a gratitude practice?  I often think it’s a term that’s bantered around a lot without giving it real significance. I have found that if we don’t appreciate the wonderful things in life, we miss out.

So much of the time, we are stressing about things that may not even be happening, when we worry, our mind focuses on the negative, on lack and on the future.  We aren’t in the now, when we are worrying. We are imagining scenarios of gloom and doom, and they aren’t even real.  It’s pure imagination and it causes so much anxiety.

When you cultivate a gratitude practice, by recognizing all the great things that are happening in your life, you change and so does the world.

When you stop complaining, stop worrying, and learn to give your attention to what is true and good about your life right now, something shifts and you begin to change your life.  You take control of the thoughts in your mind.

Your focus goes to what is really going on behind your limited perception, choosing to see that there is something way bigger than your little complaints.

It’s much more than just making a list.

A real gratitude practice is not making a list, but writing one thing down that you are grateful for, say a relationship that helped you.  And you focus on that person, you open your heart, you feel light coming through you to them and you acknowledge your desire to extend gratitude to them.

Being thankful for all you have been given and all that you really are, is active because gratitude is an activation of your feel good hormones, which allow you to feel joy from giving and extending love.  Then you repeat it with another person…and feel that.

When you give gratitude, it heals you and it benefits you as much as the other person, and it really connects you to them, and allows you to feel and experience the oneness of all living things.

It takes you out of your own limited viewpoint and teaches you to feel into the freedom of choice, your innate capacity to change your mind and become free again.

Freedom from fear is the reason I cultivate a gratitude practice.

I sometimes wake up anxious not knowing what the day will bring, what work I should do, who I need to contact. I work for myself, so I’m alone when not with clients or teaching, and I need to constantly battle my fear, which is just resistance.

When I stop, and take time to make my bed, thanking my pillow, my refrigerator, my housemate, my parents, my clients, my life, my Self, and my connection to all living things, I feel better.  I get dressed thanking my clothes, my makeup, my toothbrush and really feel how nice it is to have everything I need.

It’s so simple, but we get out of the habit, we get crazy and forget how connected and taken care of we are.

So, how do you become grateful when you are challenged by a circumstance you don’t like?

The most important time to remember gratitude is when something didn’t work out the way you wanted.

Life is full of heartaches, when someone we love abandons or betrays us, when we feel grief over loss, it’s a very important time to practice gratitude.

To remember good things, to remember that even if you’re hurting, you can embrace the hurt with gratitude for making you feel deeply.

When my husband announced he wanted to split up with me, I went into a state of deep anger and resentment.  I thought it was the worst thing he could do, and I didn’t see it coming.  It so disrupted my life, that I spent hours going within, working on my mind, learning to let go, feeling all those deep painful feelings of loss.

I made a major move across the country to come back to Maine and the seacoast area where I had started out my adult life.  I stayed with family, yet was grieving, I had almost no money, had given up an entire clientele and had packed everything up and moved suddenly.

It took a lot of energy to pull myself out of my desperation and I had to daily give thanks for the situation even though I didn’t like it.  I knew if I kept waking up and thanking God for the experience, I would be ok eventually.

It was very difficult, because the fear of being alone and not knowing how I would make a living or where I should live became acute at times. I had to keep asking for help, from God and from people I barely knew.

What I found was that everyone wanted to help me in some way.  There were people that I met at a Unity church and they all helped me. I found I could make friends easily, and began to feel connected again.  I had to keep going forward and stop looking back at what I’d left behind.

I opened up to receive, and asked for what I needed and was given everything, day by day, including a large sum of money to begin my new business.  Yes, it’s true.  Miracles do happen all the time, if we stay open to receive them.

The miracles made me very grateful, and whenever I heard myself complain, I realized I needed to stop and get quiet and release whatever was underneath that pain.  I paid really close attention to my thoughts and my beliefs.

I made sure I thanked God for all that I was experiencing, even the pain.

I worked on the idea that I was in a major transition and it meant letting go of the deepest fears I ever had, stuff from early childhood.  I had come full circle, having moved to NYC and Wisconsin for all of my adult life, and then returned home to the area I grew up in.  I learned to be thankful for my life’s adventures, the travel, the marriages, the children, the awakening experiences, my teachers, my friends and I could not feel alone.

The Voice in my head said to me, “I didn’t bring you here for nothing”.

So the point is, when we can be grateful even when it seems impossible, life opens up in new ways and points us to where the love is.

There, you know where…

Deep inside of you and all around you.

Blessings

Monica

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Apr 272017
 

Here’s a link to my latest 60 minute class that heals the mind and shifts you out of fear.  It has a guided healing from the beginning and a talk on the Course in Miracles, Lessons 65 & 66, how to choose happiness, in the midst of chaos or fear.

These two lessons are so important, as they lighten up your mind and show you that your only real function is to be happy.  How that is accomplished is also demonstrated.  Hint:  It’s always a choice you make within your own mind, no matter what is going on around you.

Happiness is My Function

You can easily download it onto your computer and listen to it.

Let us know how you liked it!

When you join in the light, you heal everything and everyone, because it’s all going on in you.

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Mar 292017
 

Why set goals for your new business?

Answer:  You must know what you want in order to be able to measure your results.

If you want to have a successful  business, that is.
If you don’t have a plan, you will flounder, it’s guaranteed. Waste time, stay distracted and unfocused.  And stagnate…

That’s where I was in the beginning, exploring my options and wondering what to do next. I had an idea, but I didn’t know how to bring it to fruition.  Is this you?
Here are the crucial first steps that gave me the start I needed.
First…I hired a coach. Some coaches think they can be a coach without having one themselves. Does that ever work?  No. Because without your commitment to your own growth, you will not attract others who want coaching. Simple.
• My coach helped me change all that, she really understood who I was and where I was stuck. After I hired her, everything changed.
• I began by visualizing what I wanted the business to become, with the financial goals first. What kind of money did I want to earn in 3 months? The first year? I set a big money goal for the year and put it on a big poster and hung it up in my bedroom.

I set the specific goals I would have to reach to make that money. Once I got clear about this, I could measure how I did.

I listed my specific gifts and skills and came up with a mission and vision for the business. It wasn’t that hard, but very important. Without a mission and vision, you will lack clarity and not attract clients.

Second, I needed foundational pieces, like how I would work with people, what business structure and strategy I wanted to use for getting clients. I needed to start earning right away because I had no other income at the time so I was committed and determined. Yet focused.
I got clear about one thing—that my business was important for me and those I serve.  I was born to do this and I stuck to my own vision.  I learned to value what I bring to the table and honor myself for all the years of work on myself and others. The recognition of my own value is vital to my confidence and I love how I help people find their own vision for their life too.
Third, I  set my 90 day goals. But I had to focus on three goals only. This was hard for me, I had about 10 goals in the beginning. I was overwhelmed when I looked at them and didn’t know where to begin.  After narrowing it down to  just three goals, I determined the action steps needed for each goal: I wrote out the steps I needed to take. I worked on one goal until it was done, then I’d do the next one.

Why is it important to set goals?

Without structure, we  easily lose focus and become distracted. Social media for instance, can be very distracting…keeping us from doing the work.

I learned to turn off distractions, set one goal for the day and do only that. Setting one goal and the action steps for the day made me focus completely. It made a huge difference to know where I was going with a plan for getting there. I couldn’t do everything at once, just one thing at a time.
Lo and behold, it started to work.
Within a few months, I had a website with pages that describe who I am and what I do. I got very clear about my ideal clients. I set terms for who I wanted to serve and became clear about this.

I made a list of their qualities and drew a big circle in my mind and included only those people who met those criteria. I visualized them coming toward me and willing to pay my fee.

Wow, this was powerful.  Yes, I did the footwork. I went to many networking meetings. I talked about what I do and how I help people. I signed up clients and began to work with them and watched them transform. My confidence grew and I felt happy and excited.

It worked!

I got out of my head and out of bed early. I meditated every morning and asked for help from within and listened.

You can too.

Simplify your life. Decide on 3 goals only.  If you need help, get a coach who is focused and has clients who are having breakthroughs.

Love yourself more.  Stay determined to succeed.  You cannot fail if you believe that life is about growth, not struggle.

You and those you serve are important!

I hope this helps you today…don’t forget to leave a comment. I love to respond.

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Mar 152017
 

I am humbled by the success of our empowering book Midlife Transformations published by Inspired Living Publishing.

All 29 stories in this book, mine included!, inspire women everywhere to move through our self-doubt, limiting beliefs, and take a chance on finding our true connection to our life purpose.

Please order your copy today on amazon.com to be inspired to make that change and dare to step into your empowered new life.

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Feb 112017
 

You know those incessant thoughts that keep you up at night, when your mind races and worries about tomorrow, the next day, next year…what might happen later just take you over?

You toss, you turn, you get up, you try reading, making to do lists, anything…but something won’t let you sleep.

Do you want a simple practice that will help?

When fear arises and obsesses you, try this simple exercise. A few moments of peace in the middle of the night would help, right?

First, tell yourself: I want peace. Peace is my birthright.

Now do this:

  1. Sit down. Bring your attention into your heart space, the center of your chest.  30 seconds
  2. Take 10 deep belly breaths through the nose. Give the exhale a complete release, pause, then inhale for 2 minutes.  If there is discomfort, breathe even deeper into the belly.
  3. Now imagine a small sphere of golden light in the center of your chest. If you can’t see it, that’s OK. Give it 1 minute.
  4. Thank your heart for working so well for you every day, ask it to please slow down. 30 seconds
  5. See the sphere of light grow until it radiates out into your whole torso. 3 minutes.
  6. Now imagine the fear or what it represents is an image about 6 feet in front of you. It could be a person or a situation…just see it visually in front of you. 1 minute. Got it?
  7. Send the golden light from your heart to that image, like a firehose of light, no matter what it is or if you can see it or not. Repeat “I forgive you”. 2 minute
  8. Envelop yourself in light and repeat “I forgive you” to yourself. 1 minute
  9. Give thanks. 1 minutes.

Repeat the above steps with any fear thought that troubles you.  Now notice if you feel calmer.

It seems too simple to work, but if you try it, you will get a result.  Attention can be placed on anything you choose.

Fear comes from a false idea, it is never based upon something real.  You are imagining it and it exists only your mind.  If you don’t like fear, you can simply make a choice to experience something else instead by forgiving yourself for believing it.

The Self is always watching you go through fear states.  That You is always accessible and it is found in the heart space in the center of your chest.

This You has great power.  It knows who and what it is. It is not fooled by fear thoughts that cloud your mind. It is always accessible to you when you focus on it and give it your attention.

When you put your attention on the heart, it slows down the mind. Focusing on the golden light will release the fear. This is a very simple idea: light replaces darkness or lack of light.

When you put your attention on light, you become calmer and happier.  You are remembering who you really are.

The light is always there, we just forget all the time, and allow fear to enter our minds and bodies.  But you don’t have to do this anymore.

The simple exercise always produces a result.  All you have to do is do it.

I hope this helps you today.

Blessings!

Monica Dubay

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